It is just as the great philosopher Sun-Tzu always said: "Keep your fire doors close, and your enemies closer."Some things in the City are better than they used to be. For instance, I've learned that with handheld internet and the SF NextBus website it is entirely possible to travel efficiently by bus in this city - gone are the days of waiting for an hour and not knowing if a bus is ever going to show up. For instance, last night I went to see Frost/Nixon at the AMC Theater on Van Ness and I don't think I waited more than about 4 minutes total in taking 3 separate buses to get there and back home. I also learned that movies that get a lot of Oscar hype aren't necessarily great movies (see, e.g. Frost/Nixon). Also, I approve of the drastic rise in the number of wine bars here since I've been away. Wine bars = drunk chicks = I like my chances as a single dude in this city.
It's also nice to know that some things haven't changed. The dude with the terrible combover is still a cashier at the Chestnut Street Walgreen's, and the grossly overweight woman with the goatee is still working at the pharmacy inside the same Walgreen's. The goatee may not look so splendid in the picture, but that's because I have a shitty camera on my phone. In real life this is a site to behold, and I most assuredly have goatee envy. If you have the means, I highly recommend you stop by and check it out.However, all is not a bed of roses - there are some things are taking some getting used to in my return to the City:
* Having to move my car or get a parking ticket on street sweeping days (thankfully these were reduced to twice a month while I was away).
* Not being able to go to places like Target when I feel like it. Seriously, Target's like 75 miles away and it requires a specially-planned weekend trip to go. Good news for the overpriced neighborhood shops, bad news when I need a pack of 750 Q-Tips. And where's the Wal-Mart? Without one of those, where am I supposed to cruise for chicks? At least there's a Costco here (and it even has a parking garage and the best meal deal on the planet: $1.50 for a Polish sausage and a 20oz refillable soda).* Not being able to easily park in front of my place whenever I feel like it. Really? Why did we go through all the trouble of stealing all that land from the Native Americans, the French and the Mexicans if we're not going to only build sprawling cities with wide streets and plentiful parking spots? I've heard some people actually rent garage spots that are two or more blocks away from their homes. Ludicrous. Hell, my vehicle is currently 3 or 4 blocks away and I am actually thankful to be parked that close. No way am I moving before the first Friday of next month, or until I need to go to Target.
* The smell of the homeless dude who is sitting fifteen feet away from me in the Marina public library. I am as far as I can be from him and still have a power outlet for my computer, and I've been sitting here for almost two hours and I'm still not used to the smell. Dude has a table all to himself, and he's sort of looking at newspapers and intermittently tearing them in half while making a sort of exhaling/snorting noise. It's been funny watching as people can't believe their luck in getting a spot at a table, then lasting from 0-4 minutes before they move to another, more olfactorily-friendly spot. This dude isn't as creepy as the shirtless homeless dude who stood outside in the rain yesterday, pressing his face against the glass and staring at people, but he's certainly more annoying. Note to self: bring clothespin for nose on next foray to the library. [And a hot chick just sat down within the smell radius... let's see how long she lasts. Though if she leaves soon, we'll never know if it was the smell, or the fact that she was sitting across from me.]As you may have heard, I moved in with a couple of chicks. So, an ambiguously gay dude living with two chicks? All I need to do is fall over the back of the couch a few times and I'm a modern day Jack Tripper, so start sending in your applications to be my Larry (one received already). I'm looking forward to spending some quality time down at Hottie-mista, which is the new Regal Beagle as far as I'm concerned. I even bought a couple of bottles of a wine called "Menage a Trois" ("A playful mixture of three grapes!") for the apartment 'cause I'm just that clever. I'm replacing a chick in my new place, and of course as chicks they had the cable wired up so that it worked in a path-of-least-resistance kind of way but wasn't wired up to take advantage of things like HDTV and surround sound. In fact, that's why they chose me, I am expert. So yes, I spent the other day in an apartment with two chicks fixing the cable. You can imagine where it goes from there.
No comments:
Post a Comment