Back when I used to blog, I used to text myself blog ideas. You know, to make sure I didn't forget the blog idea for my next blog entry (remember, this is back when I used to blog). The funny thing is, when I'd receive the message a few seconds later, I'd already forgotten that I sent it myself. So I'd get all excited like I just received a new text message from someone, until I opened it and was disappointed that it was just some half-baked idea from me to me.
What's the proper response when another dude sneezes in front of you? When a chick does it, you say "bless you" or "gesundheit." The meaning of "bless you" is pretty self-explanatory, and "gesundheit" is another way to wish someone good health. It makes sense that you'd want to wish a chick good health, because your chances of sleeping with her are much greater when she's not sick since there are few if any women who are in the mood for some hanky-panky when they're ill. Granted, there are some innovative types out there who prefer their women in a state worse than ill, but for the most part you ain't gettin' none if she's not in top operating condition. When a dude sneezes, I just pretty much ignore it. This makes sense, since I don't want to sleep with the dude so I couldn't give two squirts what he thinks of me. Does this apply elsewhere? Do gay guys only say "bless you" to people they want to sleep with (i.e. attractive gay guys and all straight guys)? Or do they say "bless you" to women as well?There are two chicks who spring to mind that people generally think of as hot who aren't. The first is Perrey Reeves (aka Mrs. Ari from Entourage):
Look, she's got a nice body. And I guess she's kinda hot for being 38. But the streets of LA are crawling with 38-year-old chicks who are hotter. And I intend to reconfirm this truism in the very near future.The second allegedly hot chick is Susan Sarandon. And I don't just mean now that she is an inappropriately dressed grandma but also when she was younger:
I think she was a Ford model at some point, which I guess means she was considered "striking", but if I were Tim Robbins' junk I'd rather be striking than performing my manly duties with this bug-eyed ghoul.In the interests of gender equality, it's only fair to point out that baseball broadcaster Jon Miller has also seen better days:
I think it's really stupid how clothes irons come with a warning that you're not supposed to use them on clothes you're wearing. Is this really necessary? What kind of a moron would actually iron clothes while they're wearing them? One substantial chest burn later, I can answer that question: the same kind of moron who writes this blog.
The MLB All-Star Game started as I was typing this. I feel it's OK to express some thoughts about this since I'm only 37-years old while typing this from my mother's basement. Still, to be safe don't tell Raul Ibanez:Possibly the most overused angle at the All-Star Game is filming the first-time players who are there filming the festivities. "Oh look! They're having so much fun out there! These guys can't believe they're out there with all their heroes! What a wonderful experience! Baseball truly is America's national pastime!" Shut it. If not for fantasy baseball and day drinking, we'd pretty much just "pass" on America's pastime...
It's not just an HD problem anymore - at this point, regular definition TV isn't doing Sheryl Crow any favors either. Although I salute Lance Armstrong for jettisoning her before it got to this point, I also salute Ms. Crow for not oversinging the national anthem (not that she has the vocal range to, but still...). Failing to have any work done was her least favorite mistake of mine, so I'll just post a picture of her back when she looked decent...
After Sheryl finished singing the national anthem, some B-2 Spirit "stealth" bombers did a flyover of the stadium. I know everyone knows they exist, but aren't we kind of defeating the purpose of a "stealth" bomber if we're showing them on television? Wouldn't it make more sense to broadcast a blank screen and tell everyone our stealth tech is so good that they couldn't be seen?President Barack Obama jogs out to throw the first pitch of the game. He's wearing a Chicago White Sox jacket, and either Barack has been doing the same steroids as the rest of the guys on the field, or he's wearing one hell of a thick bullet-proof vest. And I had no idea that he both (a) is left-handed, and (b) throws like a girl! Barack may have it all over George W. Bush when it comes to things like public speaking, but G.W. most certainly throws out a better first pitch...
And Joe Buck's ever-balding dome fills the screen as he starts to spew some introductory nonsense about being in St. Louis and how St. Louis fans are among the best fans in baseball. I can't really concentrate on what he's saying though, as I just keep waiting for Artie Lange to show up and ask Joe if suckingcock.com is still his second favorite website...Tim McCarver speaking. My IQ is dropping like the needle on the fuel gauge of an H2 Hummer going 140mph down the freeway...
And now a commercial for a movie called Funny People. You know, it's really too bad Seth Rogen hasn't managed to capitalize on his entertaining role in The 40-Year Old Virgin. It's called overexposure, Seth, and you passed it about four exits ago. While you're at it, tell Judd Apatow to stop casting his wife and Jonah Hill in all his movies. That's also getting a bit tiresome.
