Tales of the City

I've become quite the shutterbug of late, if by "shutterbug" you mean borderline creepy guy who takes lots of blurry, uninteresting photos. However, I thought I'd take this opportunity to post some pictures of my various adventures in the big city. Keep in mind that I'm the same idiot who went to Italy in 2005 and used his camera phone to take his pictures of that trip, and that was a bad camera phone for 2005. Heck, I even used it to take a picture of a picture of Florence because I was too lazy to go there. Anyhow, my current camera phone also bites ass but at least it doesn't charge extra for that, unlike some people.

I forget where I was driving to when I took this picture, but clearly I was using my phone while driving and should go to jail for that:
You see, many people in San Francisco are generally what you might call liberals and they don't really have much use for things like conservativism, invading countries in the Middle East, funding anti-prostitution laws, or fielding a decent baseball team. And they really don't have any use for former President George W. Bush. Not sure why; the dude did a totally bang-up job for eight years. He won two wars and everything. There is the small matter of him having started those two wars, but I digress. Considering how the economy is in fine shape after deregulation of the banking industry, I think W is getting a bit of a raw deal. Anyway, some clever jokester stuck "Obama" stickers over all the "Bush" street signs the day after Election Day. This prank got some local press, but I just happened upon it without knowing it had been done, and that was kind of cool. Now I'm just wondering what the sticker guy did with all the McCain stickers he had printed up to cover his bases. Maybe they got shipped to some third world country along with all the Arizona Cardinals: Super Bowl Champs sweatshirts.

At first glance, this might seem like a shitty picture of someone using a walker to cross Van Ness Avenue. And your first glance would be right. But what was fascinating about this was that this was an incredibly slow old woman. So slow, in fact, that she couldn't make it all the way across the street before the light changed. But this was not her first time at that rodeo, no sirree. The walker is also a chair, and when she got halfway across the street she turned it around and just took a seat by the median. Traffic whizzed by her for awhile, then, when the light was about to change again, she started to get up and turn her walker around. Then she was off and running (figuratively) and made it to safety on the second "walk" signal. Well done, slow old lady!

I have an unnatural and irrational hatred of Indian food. However, that didn't stop my friends from taking me to Pasha on my 30th birthday, and that night I became the proud owner of both an "I Learned How to Belly Dance" certificate and an unhappy stomach. I've also got an unnatural and irrational hatred of all things cilantro, so please, please don't take me here for my birthday:
This place would be better:
It does look like parking would be kinda tough there, but luckily we'll be in a limo since it's my birthday. That's how we roll.

What do you call that dog (yes, it's a dog) standing by the street post? Doesn't matter, it won't come anyway. Actually, that dog is looking for the man who shot his paw. You see, these jokes would be even more hysterical if you could tell that the dog in the photo (yes, it's a dog) only has three legs! Still, the dog more or less kept up with the woman, though it definitely oversold its "hop" to garner extra sympathy. The woman gave none though, apparently she had seen that act before. Or maybe it was because the woman only has one leg herself! It seems she was recently divorced, and all she was awarded was the dog because she didn't have a leg to stand on in court. At least she still has her job at IHOP. These are the (recycled) jokes, people.