Stoners are funny

If anyone is ever thinking of writing their novel, and putting in a stoner as one of the characters, don't try and make up their dialogue. Just go talk to a stoner. You can not make up stuff any better than what comes out of their mouths. Now, I don't speak for all stoners, but I certainly speak for the one I bonded with a few weekends ago while riding a ferry. And by that I mean the boat.

I was taking the fam up to the San Juan Islands, and we were on the ole Washington State Ferry Boat. This dude, just stoned out of the bejesus (which was a great feat at 9am) gets startled by something he sees out the window, and picks me to discuss it with. I guess it was the two kids climbing all over me that gave me away as someone looking to hang out.

Stoner: DUDE, do you see that?

Wood Dog: What dude?
(oh god, please go away. You might, I don't know, get the kids stoned or something. I decide to go with a "Spicoli" dialect of Stoner, from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, in hopes to better communicate and get him to leave sooner)

S: Those sticks out the window dude! Why are they moving back and forth?

WD: Oh, those stcks are pilings. And they aren't moving. We are actually pulling away from the dock now. We are moving, and the pilings are standing still. It just seems like the sticks are moving (simple reason will make him go away, right?)

S: (long pause, stares out the window at the pilings moving by the window, just blown away. Then..) HA HA! Yeah right. Good one. Seriously, why are they moving? Do they just keep going back and forth all day long?

WD: Dude, I am totally serious. The pilings are standing still. WE are the ones moving.
(if logic doesn't work, maybe repetition?)

S: Come on man, stop messing with me, why are they moving?
(he's getting semi agitated. oh crap)

WD: (in a hopefully calming voice) Dude, trust me. Our ferry just pulled away from the dock. The pilings are standing still. The boat is what is moving.

S: WAIT, WE'RE ON A BOAT?

WD: YEAH! You're totally riding on one dude!
(I'm pouring the "Spicoli" on very thick now)

S: OOOOOOOOO, HAHA! No way .....(leaves. thank god)


I love stoners.