Seattle "Sports"

When did Seattle become the anti-Boston?

I think we have to be the worst sports city in the universe right now. Well, at least until this fall when the Sea Chickens start their Mike Holmgren farewell tour. Actually, that's going to be annoying too.

As Paul Pierce cut down the nets for the Celtics last month (or did the NBA equivalent... I don't know, piled a few groupies and fought someone), and while Tom Brady ponders how many of Gisele's friends he will allow into their bedroom tonight, after being in four of the last seven Super Bowls, Seattle has quietly become the meat in a two-sport shit sandwich. That's right, the two contributors to It's OKTO Blog live in sports Bizarro Worlds of each other, and here (for my pleasure only) is a cathartic rant on why the Seattle sports world sucks for me.

The Oklahoma City Supersonics

This past July 4th weekend, The Emerald City celebrated it's independence from professional basketball. What better way to celebrate being an American than by allowing a savvier businessman to fleece your basketball team from you? It's capitalism at it's finest. GOD BLESS THE USA!

The reason this whole thing stinks is because there was never any actual intention of keeping the team here (which actually illegally violates the terms of the sale of the team). That has become very clear. Clay Bennett's plan of stealing the Supes for OK City was steamrolled through the NBA by commissioner David Stern because Dave owed Clay a huge favor after Clay had saved his butt by buying the Hornets a few years back, when nobody wanted them. This is basically two rich pricks scratching each other's back. It's the good ole boys, vs everyone else, and the GOB's are like 82-0.

Screw this whole situation. These pricks have turned us into a 2-sport city, and that sucks. We are now Kansas City, we are now Minnesota. Wait, Minnesota has the T-Wolves? CRAP! Well, at least we wont be a 2-sport town when the Sounders FC ("the countdown is on") take the pitch next year, right? Doesn't soccer count? I guess I at least have a new favorite NBA team, and that's anyone who is playing against Oklahoma City. Good times.

SuperSonic Haiku

No more Kemp, Payton,
Detlef or Cage. So who cares.
A Sonic ka-boom

The Mariners

Bill Bavasi not only put the worst team in baseball together this year, but he also mortgaged our future to do so. Eat a dick Bill, you are now out of a job. Not that it helps anything right now, but it does make me feel better. Here is a summary of the team you traded Rafael Soriano, Adam Jones, George Sherril, another small hanful of prospects, and $118 million in payroll for. There is not one hitter in our lineup that could possibly scare an opposing pitcher, and a very normal pitching staff. In your defense though Bill, I didn't think Bedard would suck this much either.

1B - Richie Sexson who an unnamed baseball GM described as "worthless" and as "stealing money from the Mariners". He should be let go of here any day now. Over the past 2+ years he has been making $15 million a season to be inarguably the worst first basemen in all of baseball.

2B - Jose Lopez. Same unnamed GM described Lopez as "ordinary". He's our #3 hitter in the lineup. Maybe has the most power on the starting roster, currently on pace for about 12 homeruns.

SS - Yunieski Betancourt. Makes up for his bad defense with ordinary hitting. Doesn't kill us though like some others.

3B - Adrian Beltre. GREAT glove, I'll give him that. Has been named as one of the reasons our team has no leadership, backbone, or pride. As a veteran hitting in the low .200's he is never seen taking extra batting practice or giving a damn. Making $13 million this year to play defense. His contract makes him impossible to trade.

LF - Raul Ibanez. Maybe the only guy on the team we will trade and get anything in return for. Not hitting all that well, but not killing us with his bat. His defense is atrocious though, and that does hurt. He will make a solid DH for some lucky team in the hunt this year.

RF - Ichiro. Hitting a career low. Still, one of the best players on the planet. He says stuff like "I see things, I feel things, I know things" in interviews. He is actually playing right field again, but started the year in center.

CF - unknown. We fired Brad Wilkerson, and demoted Balentin back to AAA... Jeremy Reed? Really?

C - Kenji Johjima. He's legit and we just locked him up for two more years. Catcher also happens to be the only position where we have a MLB ready player in minors in Jeff Clement. Fantastic planning Bill.

DH - Jose Vidro. The least scary DH in the history of baseball. A slap hitter, with zero power. First base and DH are the easiest spots to fill with someone who can hit, and we failed twice. You take two average AAA players and swap out Vidro and Sexson, the Mariners would be better off.
Bench - Willie "Fucking" Bloomquist is the great overachieving white ballplayer who is really "scrappy" but not really "good". He can hurt you in almost every position on the field too as a super backup, and currently holds the longest streak by an active MLB player for number of base hits in a row that aren't of the extra-base variety (at 90+ right now). We also have Miguel Cairo on the bench who is a poor man's Willie Bloomquist. I can't for the life of me think of an angle why you would have BOTH of these guys on the same team. Bavasi released Greg Norton after he hit .400 in spring training, and he is now a solid pinch hitter for the Braves. Norton is the perfect low cost, professional hitter you want on your bench. Or I guess have two identical utility slap hitters.

Pitchers

Eric Bedard - Apparently he has declared that he has a 100-pitch pitch count. He no shit pulls himself out of games after that. Not quite a "gamer", not quite the "Ace" we thought we were mortgaging our future for. He's soft, he kind of seems like a prick, and I bet we send his ass out of town before the rest of baseball realizes how overrated he is.

Felix Hernandez - Our best player not Japanese. He also hit a grand slam off of Johan Santana this year. He will be a Cy Young winner soon.

Carlos Silva - Just signed him to a four year contract. Currently has an ERA in the 7.00's and can't seem to pitch into the fifth inning. Our enjoyment of this guy has just begun.

Batista / Washburn - Per the unnamed GM I quoted above, both of these guys "couldn't be GIVEN away" right now. Fantastic.

Bullpen - actually pretty good, so I wont bitch about them.

Seattle Mariners Haiku

Sexson K's again
Our future for a Bedard
Bavasi's boys lose