Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Revenge is a dish best served stinky

I think emailing someone while sitting on the crapper is really funny. It's an unspoken, and unheard, "f**k you" to the recipient. Like giving them a virtual and odorless "upper decker", it just demeans them, and they don't even know it happened. For example, I could be writing a work e-mail, admitting defeat on an argument, "John, you were right, I was wrong. Let's move ahead like you suggest, my apologies" type of thing... but then I'd think "yeah, but I just emailed you while I was taking a dump" and I feel like I just won the battle. Like some jokes, it doesn't translate perfectly in the work environment as it does among friends. Seriously, if you guys only knew...

Speaking of seeking anonymous revenge in the business world, I had a disagreement with a former boss in one of my first jobs out of college. Heck, we had a lot of disagreements. Maybe it all started when we were discussing my job title when she hired me, and I preferred the title "Assistant Controller" over her suggestion "Accounting Manager". In the lame accounting world, these titles are pretty interchangeable. Her response? Dead seriously, "No, that's Spike's title." Spike was her fucking dog that she brought to work with her every day. "I am the Controller, and Spike is the Assistant Controller."

So I shit you not, I started on as the "Accounting Manager" so her Jack Russel Terrier wouldn't feel like he was being demoted. The pecking order in our small department was very clear, and a few times during my brief career with Spike, and his owner, I just couldn't take it anymore. So I would go to Taco Bell for lunch, and intentionally buy an extra bean burrito. When Spike's owner would step out later in the day, I would feed Spike the burrito, and then just sit back, and enjoy my title.

About 20 minutes later I would inevitably hear "OH GOD SPIKE. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!" being yelled from her office, she would stand up and wave at the air like a hive of gnats were swarming in there, and all would seem right in the world.



I would like to think that I handle work disagreements more professionally these days. But then again, maybe it's just that I don't with any dogs.

And hey, guess what? Apparently you can also BLOG while on the crapper. Who knew?

Don't you feel like I just demeaned you? (and that maybe you should go wash your hands?)

1 comment:

Oscar de La Jolla said...

Don't you do anything but blog when you poop?