The Secret Lives of Amateur Dentists

LIST OF THINGS YOU CAN DO WHEN YOU GET HOME FROM THE BARS:

* Hydrate with water, Gatorade, etc. to reduce tomorrow's hangover

* Eat a burrito from the 24-hour burrito place down the street

* Futilely search for your garage-door opener because your bike is currently trapped in the garage

* Sit on the couch and watch a movie

* Make booty calls or send booty texts

* File down the rough edges of your chipped tooth

LIST OF THINGS YOU SHOULD UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ATTEMPT WHEN YOU GET HOME FROM THE BARS:

* File down the rough edges of your chipped tooth

LIST OF THINGS I DID WHEN I GOT HOME FROM THE BARS:

* Filed down the rough edges of my chipped tooth

EPILOGUE:

Normally I'd have gone down the street to see Dr. Nick, the dentist who recently drilled me and filled me, to get this work done. I use drilling and filling in the dental sense, and not in the gay porn sense, though I did ask for the gas and who really knows what happens when you're under. All I know is that a sore sphincter is an apparent side effect of the gas. Still, it was a simple operation, and although Dr. Nick has a young, single dental hygienist, she isn't that hot so it wasn't worth the trip. I did date a dental hygienist for a short while earlier this year and she was pretty hot, but I went with the "scorched earth" breakup technique (and if you know me you know this is pretty much Standard Operating Procedure) so I couldn't really ask her for any favors.
In any event, I'm quite satisfied with the results, even in the light of day. However, I realize my amateur dentistry and my amateur barbering (not too tough, although the two-mirror technique required to cut the back is a bit tricky) is going to get me into trouble someday. But not today.

SLEEVE ME ALONE. Previously I blogged that at the gym, young dudes wear short socks and old dudes wear long socks. Now that I am keenly aware of gym trends, I think a similar rule may apply to shirt sleeves. Young dudes wear tanks tops or sleeveless t-shirts, and old dudes wear regular t-shirts. At first I thought this might just be a summer trend, but here we are in November and the young dudes of San Diego are still exercising their right to bare arms. Although most young San Diego gym dudes are in good shape and can get away with the sleeveless look (but seriously, it's hard not to be ripped when you're 5'7"), it's not only those guys who are doing it - yesterday a kid whose arms were the same size at his wrists as they were at his biceps was lifting in a tank top. Something to be aware of, gym-goers.

MORE PROGRESS? I was recently debating with the Wood Dog whether Darius Rucker's (aka "Hootie" from Hootie and the Blowfish) crossover into country music is a sign of progress for black Americans that should have been included in my Progress post. After all, like the Presidency and air guitar competitions, country music has pretty much been the exclusive domain of the white man. The Wood Dog's position is that it's not a sign of black progress unless Rucker scores a hit album. My position is that it's not black progress regardless because having been a member of Hootie and the Blowfish, Darius Rucker qualifies as white.
FACEBOOK OOPS DEPARTMENT. First, Buck Burnette, a backup offensive lineman for the University of Texas football team, is kicked off the team for updating his Facebook status with a racist message after Barack "N-Roll" Obama was elected as our next President. Not to stereotype anyone, but if you were compiling a list of racist-sounding names, "Buck Burnette" would be pretty high on that list. While I'm not here to debate whether the starting QB would also have been kicked off the team for updating his Facebook status with "all the hunters gather up, we have a #$%&er in the whitehouse", Buck has to be wondering who the tattletale was.

Far more tragically, Patriots cheerleader Caitlin Davis was kicked off the squad after she posted pictures on her Facebook page of herself writing on a passed-out male acquaintance:
Apparently writing "I Love Cock" and drawing a bunch of penises on the dude was OK, but if you look closely you'll see a couple of swastikas and these were a no-no. Again I ask, how did the team find out? Are sports teams now hiring Facebook police? In this case, I feel the Patriots made a mistake. I mean, I've lived in Massachusetts. DO THE PATRIOTS HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A GIRL AS ATTRACTIVE AS CAITLIN DAVIS IN MASSACHUSETTS? It's harder than finding the man in the boat, for crying out loud! I guess I respect the team for taking a stand, but the loss of the fetching Miss Davis, who happens to look quite a bit like a UCSD microbiologist I attempted to date last year, will be felt throughout the greater New England Area.
Vaya con Dios, Caitlin. If you need a place to stay while you figure out your next move, I've got a spare bedroom and a bucketful of magic markers.