Vice Piece of Ass

Am home from a night out at the bars. I didn't bring anyone home, which is kind of the exception and not the rule these days. But you probably figured that out, since I am blogging at this hour. Not sure if I have the stones to blog in front of a chick... I have heard that nerds are the new jocks, will need to get back to you on that one.

Am sticking with The Plan: drink a can or two of Lo-Carb Monster and only have a couple of beers - keeps me high energy enough to engage drunk people, but sober enough to do good work. Had my A-Game tonight (per the usual), but wasted it on some C-Level girls (per the semi-usual - must re-evaluate strategy). These chicks were friends of an acquaintance, and they were lawyers, and I felt compelled to try and entertain all three of them. Sadly, these weren't the fun type of lawyers who hit the bottle hard when they're out of the office. Rather, they were the stick-in-the-mud lawyers who don't drink at all and look down on the glitter and belly-shirt set. I look down on those types of girls as well, particularly down on their D'ecolletages. Being tall has its advantages. If you have the means, I highly recommend it. Hang upside-down from a bar in your closet, Bobby Brady-Style, if you must.
You may have heard that John McCain picked his running mate. Some chick from Alaska, possibly an Eskimo chief, named Sarah Palin. Bold move, picking a chick. I guess it might help Republican chances with the estranged Hilary Democrats, and shows a hint of progressiveness from the GOP. I also understand that she is pretty much a hard-line conservative, which I suppose is intended to help garner the support of the right-wing GOP base who may feel McCain is too much of a middle-of-the-road Maverick. Personally, I don't think McCain needs to pander to the right-wing base - I suspect they'll come out and vote for McCain to prevent Obama from winning, regardless of whether they actually want to vote for McCain. I also think there will be a high Republican turnout for this election, for the simple fact that a lot of people in the flyover states will get out and vote McCain to prevent a black President from being elected. Unfortunate in this day and age, but probably accurate. I assume these same people would resist having a woman in office, but I guess McCain's analysts determined that a female Vice President is a lesser evil than a black President. I guess these same analysts have also determined its OK for McCain to choose a running mate who is significantly more attractive than the woman McCain was recently accused of having an affair with.

Now, I don't know a damn thing about politics, so feel free to disregard that last paragraph, nay, this entire blog, as nonsensical rubbish. Let's get down to brass tacks. I Googled this Sarah Palin chick. Now maybe its the beer and associated friskiness, maybe its the fact that I made the mistake of taking the trolley part of the way home to save a few bucks and to possibly run into drunk, poor chicks, or maybe its the fact that I do feel a soul-crushing loneliness from time-to-time that comes with being eternally single, but I got to thinking [CUT TO INTERIOR, BRAIN: SHOT OF HAMSTER HALF-HEARTEDLY RUNNING ON WHEEL] - is this Sarah Palin chick hot?
Don't be fooled by the official photographs that are out there. They're intentionally trying to underplay Palin's hotness - remember, they tried this with Rachael Leigh Cook in "She's All That" by putting glasses on her, pulling her hair back and dressing her in baggy, frumpy clothes. We weren't fooled then, and we won't be fooled now - this chick was runner-up in the Miss Alaska pageant in 1984, and is more than hanging in there at age 44. Maybe the country is ready for a female Vice President. Maybe it isn't. But I am pretty sure the country isn't ready for this Cougarrific female Vice President. Suppose I'm the Iraqi ambassador to the United Nations, and I'm meeting with the Vice President to discuss the security situation in Iraq. Am I going to be concentrating on what Vice President Palin is saying while I'm half-expecting one of the Secret Service bodyguards to produce a boom box while the Vice President shakes out her hair and starts gyrating to "Pour Some Sugar on Me"? Will European heads of state start paying more attention to the Dollar-to-Euro exchange rate so they'll know which denomination of Euro would be appropriate to slide into the Vice President's G-string? (Note to European heads of state: $1 = 0.68 Euro as of this writing - go with a full Eurodollar and you'll score points for being a big spender.) If the McCain-Palin ticket does win, I hope her advisors are smart enough to advise Miss Palin to dust off the F*ck Me Boots from the above photo for the really important meetings.