You might have heard of this Michael Phelps guy? Yeah, he's fast. Perhaps the fastest. But is he legit? I say no.
I am just going to claim that the advantages Phelps now has over Mark Spitz are so unfair, so advantageous, that for all time his records should get the big fat asterix. Most people are only like 90% sure that Barry Bonds was on steriods, and some argue he should get the asterix. Well, I am 100% sure that Spitz had a gigantic mustache.
Have you seen that thing? It was like Spitz was swimming with a 2-pound sea anchor glued to his face. And then there's Phelps, smooth as a hairless cat, pawing his way through the wave-supressed lanes in a space age cat suit. An embarassment to the sport.
Mike has naired every hair on his body, and then there's Mark, believing that his stache was more important to him than a few hundredths of a second. Yeah, he might risk getting silver, but that man would rather be caught dead in the Olympic Lounges without him manstache.
The stache-drag alone had to have made the True Olympian 5 or 6% slower than going all Mr. Bigglesworth, like Phelps.
I know my voice is neither loud enough, nor my blog read enough, for the Olympic record keepers to take notice. But dear reader / poop 'n printer, I beg of you, do not fall for this mainstream Phelpsession that is going on now. Stash those thoughts away, you might say. Instead, honor the true hero of the sport. Honor Mark Spitz, Olympic Champion, and what obstacles he had to overcome for his seven gold medals in 1972. Appreciate that stache. It's awesome.
Oh I know Bob Costas and the rest of the "media", and perhaps all of the "experts", and certainly the best "timing devices" would have you believe that ole MP is the coolest thing since Yoda, but that's just a clear superficial gloss over the bubble surrounding what is really going on.
Phelps is in the process of taking the mantle of "Best Olympic Athlete Since Hercules" from a true champion, Mark Spitz, and I think this is a travesty. All NBC can do in interview Phelps' mom, and talk about the fast conditions in the Beijing "Bird Pond", and they are all missing the real story here, the one right in front of their very noses. Am I going to try and claim that Phelps is cheating, and that his medals should all be taken away? No, that would be as absurd as a midget clown in a salmon mask.
I am just going to claim that the advantages Phelps now has over Mark Spitz are so unfair, so advantageous, that for all time his records should get the big fat asterix. Most people are only like 90% sure that Barry Bonds was on steriods, and some argue he should get the asterix. Well, I am 100% sure that Spitz had a gigantic mustache.
Have you seen that thing? It was like Spitz was swimming with a 2-pound sea anchor glued to his face. And then there's Phelps, smooth as a hairless cat, pawing his way through the wave-supressed lanes in a space age cat suit. An embarassment to the sport.
Mike has naired every hair on his body, and then there's Mark, believing that his stache was more important to him than a few hundredths of a second. Yeah, he might risk getting silver, but that man would rather be caught dead in the Olympic Lounges without him manstache.
The stache-drag alone had to have made the True Olympian 5 or 6% slower than going all Mr. Bigglesworth, like Phelps.
I know my voice is neither loud enough, nor my blog read enough, for the Olympic record keepers to take notice. But dear reader / poop 'n printer, I beg of you, do not fall for this mainstream Phelpsession that is going on now. Stash those thoughts away, you might say. Instead, honor the true hero of the sport. Honor Mark Spitz, Olympic Champion, and what obstacles he had to overcome for his seven gold medals in 1972. Appreciate that stache. It's awesome.
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