Shaking Off the Cobwebs

Holy crap, there are more cobwebs around here than there are around my grandma's "naughty bits."  Actually, I might be wrong about that.  You see, she's been gone awhile now so there probably are cobwebs in that general vicinity.  Heck, the inside of her casket would probably look right at home inside some tomb being explored by Indiana Jones.  Whereas there aren't actual cobwebs on this website, it's just been a couple weeks since I posted anything. There is some good stuff in the pipeline; however, it doesn't translate as well as I'd hoped into the "written word" or "humor." Stay tuned, or GFY, at your own discretion.

Couple of bits of interest. First, I was speaking with an adult entertainer not too long ago. To clarify, this was a female adult entertainer. This charming albeit heavily tattooed woman took a liking to me, most likely due to the fact that I was at the adult establishment with someone who is a minor celebrity at that establishment, so I got some instant street cred. We agreed to meet for drinks at a Friday happy hour, then began a bizarre negotiation. Her opening negotiating position was essentially "You take me upstairs to the champagne room, and I'll buy you all your drinks at the happy hour." My opening negotiating position was essentially "No." I don't doubt that I could have made back a fair amount of what I would have ended up spending upstairs at the happy hour; those of you who know me know that I could put the booze away in my younger, more formative years. However, I did doubt that this chick would actually show up. She offered all sorts of safeguards, like promising she'd be there, and giving me her phone number, but the real kicker was when she offered to tell me her real name. Well, she didn't tell me her real name, but she told me a riddle, the answer to which was her real name. The riddle went thusly: "I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them __________ I am." Naturally, I guessed "Dr. Seuss?", and perhaps even more naturally I don't have a happy hour date coming up.

Unrelated second point: I was at the corner store earlier today and I bought a bottle of the little-known and highly underrated RC Cola, primarily because it was on special for $0.99 (that is the underrated part). The clerk rang up the sale for $0.99, and I handed over my dollar. And the dude didn't give me back any change. He didn't even offer to give me back any change, or even reach into the penny drawer. It's like it was understood that he got to keep the penny, like I was tipping him or something. WTF? If he does that 100 times a day, that's $52 he's pocketing at the end of the year! Is this like the automatic 18% that is added into a food or beverage bill in Miami? I don't get the option of getting my change back anymore? Granted, I probably would have just put the penny into the "give a penny, take a penny" tray but at least I'd have the option, and would have gotten a little exercise out of the deal. Though I guess it all ends up in the same place - the "give a penny" tray is the convenience store's tip jar (just as the March of Dimes plastic jar at the Safeway is the supermarket's tip jar).