The Legion of Doom – Part 1

I thought the Legion was gone forever, and that my crime fighting days were over... I was wrong.

About a decade ago I fought the SF chapter of the Legion of Doom in their hidden lair, a small hideout called The Columbus Café, or the “CC”, in the Northbeach district of San Francisco. I can only assume that they were drawn there by the cheap beer, and the pool table in back. The legion would shoot pool, and get loaded off the 2 for 1 beers every Friday. I would counter their moves by playing pool, and getting loaded off the 2 for 1 beers, also every Friday.

A member or two of The Legion were always there at the CC. There was “Homeless Looking Guy” who wore a black trench coat, and didn’t seem to shower, there was “Australian Man” who had an accent, spiked hair, and ordered “pints” not “beers”; and there was “The Mexican” who just seemed like a Mexican guy. There were other minor villians, but these were the main guys; the Luthor, Solomon Grundy, and Bizarro of the team you might say. Bizarro for sure.

I would try to match them drink for drink, and challenge them at the pool table. They became my nemesis. Even if I could win a game or two, they would always use their superior powers to defeat me. I felt like that worthless superhero Aquaman, trying to stop a bank robbery on dry land:

Aquaman: STOP ROBBING THIS BANK OR I WILL SUMMON A GIANT SEA SQUID AND CRUSH YOU!

Robber: Umm, shut up or I’ll shoot you.

Aquaman: OK THEN, I’ll just be over here (eyeing the water fountain) minding my own business…

Robber: Oh jesus… [shoots Aquaman]

After fighting the Legion at the CC for five or six hours, I would usually retreat with my friends to the Bocce Cafe up the hill and regroup over $8 gnocchi and the second cheapest bottles of Chianti they had. Years passed and the Legion eventually stopped showing up, apparently looking for easier pickings than the fight I put up at the Columbus Café. Just to make sure though, I kept frequenting the CC, to ensure the evil was vanquished there forever.

Years passed, and I thought the threat posed by the Legion of Doom was over. I moved away, had kids, and stopped my crime fighting all together. That is until I visited Red’s Recovery Room in Rohnert Park, CA this past week. It was pure evil genius, I mean who would think to look for The Legion of Doom up in the Wine Country of Northern California?

TUNE IN NEXT POST FOR THE EXCITING CONCLUSION OF The Legion of Doom in the second and final episode creatively named: The Legion of Doom - Part 2...