It's OKTO Build an Empire

So, the shirts have arrived:

I know you're wondering and yes, that is me modeling the shirt. I've worked a bit on my tan since you last saw me.

What do we know so far?

We learned in the early 2000's that it's OKTO boogie. We now know that it's OKTO blog. It's OKTO make t-shirts, and apparently it's OKTO have your 1.5 year old son drink beer while posing for the logo of your blog and of said t-shirt. At least, it's OKTO do that in the state of Washington. But then again, they allow some weird sh*t in the state of Washington.

I think it is probably OKTO do a lot of things. So why not branch out? Promote our brand? It seems to work for Donald Trump. We'll build a blogging empire that will bring Coca-Cola, McDonald's, Nike and Take a Report to their respective knees. Note to the ladies: it's OKTO be on your knees.

For instance, I like beer. The Wood Dog likes beer. So why don't we create our own beer? What's stopping us? Besides our lack of startup capital, our lack of any expertise or in fact actual knowledge about manufacturing beer, or the spectacular failure of Third Rail Beer, a beverage that was before its time? Let's forget about all that, and focus on the marketing campaign. As we say in the ad game, you don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle:

I smell a winner. (Note: "smelling a winner" is my euphemism for passing gas.) And naturally, if we're going to encourage the drinking of alcohol, we will need to stand for responsible family planning:

Come to think of it, this is an excellent opportunity for a little cross-branding:

I am starting to get the sense that the OKTO empire will be built on social vices. Will this model be successful? Well, it seems to be working pretty well for Las Vegas, and for these guys.

But what about those poor saps who go out and drink beer, but don't end up hooking up with Mrs. Right Now or performing lewd sex acts with a beer keg? That has never happened to me, but I am told that men often visit "adult establishments" after the bars close if they didn't get lucky. You may see fake boobies and real tattoos, but I see opportunity - a gold mine just sitting there, waiting to be, er, mined for gold:

People love their booze and their sex, and now we've got those covered. Or uncovered, in the case of the boobies. But I think we need one more item to round out our product mix. I think our friends from The Matrix put it best:

Tank: "OK, so what do you need? Besides a miracle?"

Neo: "Guns. We need lots of guns."

Yes, we believe it's OKTO exercise your 4th Amendment rights here at it's OKTO blog.*

* Note that this blog post does not necessarily reflect the views of the Wood Dog, or of our sponsors.**

** Note that we do not have any sponsors.

However, promoting firearms is kind of a touchy subject. So I'm thinking this ad campaign would focus on subtlety, and bring an almost wholesome quality to the product:

I'm also thinking we ought to pursue a parallel marketing campaign within our firearms division, lest we leave out any important demographics:

Booze, sex and violence. This entire post is filled with can't miss ideas. In two years our world domination will be complete, and you'll be seeing a Super Bowl ad which consists entirely of me and the Wood Dog grinning and giving a thumbs up to the camera for 30 seconds. Because we're not going to have "f*ck you" money, we're going to have "f*ck everybody" money. Better get on our good sides now, because we fully intend to forget the little people who got us there.

P.S. please buy a shirt