A Nice Chianti

First, a shout out to that sometime reader of the now-defunct and never-entertaining TAP blog for mailing me an amazing set of coasters. Even if said coasters were mailed in a child- and JW-proof (notify the Redundancy Department of Redundancy) box. Took me several minutes and multiple sharp objects to get that sucker open. However, it was well worth the time and wrist cuts involved. Now, on with the show...

I can't tell you how many requests we've gotten here at OKTO to weigh in on the "Brett Favre" issue. Actually, I can. It's zero. But the Favre issue explains the title of this post, which is the only Brett Favre pun in existence. Or at least the only Brett Favre meets Silence of the Lambs pun in existence. This Favre character has been mentioned on the radio a whole helluva lot lately, and I just don't understand it.
The particular instance I'm referring to occurs almost daily on the Dan Patrick radio show. Deanna Favre contacted Greta van Susteren for an exclusive interview with Brett Favre, and this interview was aired on the Dan Patrick show. You may remember Greta as a homely Court TV reporter in the 1990's or currently as a reporter for Fox News.
Fox - now there's a appropriate word. Hubba hubba, that is some high quality cosmetic surgery! I wonder if Greta's doctor also does penile implants. Because, er, the Wood Dog was asking me where he could get one of those. Yes, that's it.

Back on topic (and channeling Randy Jackson): Yo, check it out dawg. Check it out. This post doesn't have anything to do with anything Brett might have said to Greta, or that Greta subsequently said to Dan Patrick. I didn't listen to her radio appearance. The thing that bothers me far more than any retire / don't retire / screw over former Cal Bear and future mid-round fantasy flop Aaron Rodgers scheme Brett may have up his sleeve are the Brett Favre commercials that are run on the Dan Patrick show. Now, we all know Brett Favre plays football with a bunch of middle-aged guys while they all wear Wrangler Jeans:
Seriously Brett, if you can't avoid that pass rush, maybe its time for you to stay retired.

In any event, dear reader, you may not know that Brett Favre mows his lawn with a Snapper lawn mower. He does (at least, he does during the three months each year he is retired). You know how I know that? Because Dan Patrick says Brett Favre mows his lawn with a Snapper lawn mower in a radio spot. That's right, the f*cking commercial is Dan Patrick telling the audience that Brett Favre mows his lawn with a Snapper lawn mover. It isn't Brett Favre telling us he uses a Snapper lawn mower. It is Dan Patrick telling us that Brett Favre uses a Snapper lawn mower. Are we supposed to just take Dan's word for it? How do we know Dan isn't completely full of shit? Are we sure that Brett actually endorses Snapper mowers? If he did, wouldn't he actually do commercials for them?

I understand this in the political context. If, to take a purely hypothetical example, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger gives a speech at the 2004 Republican National Convention and says things like "We move prosperity ahead. We move freedom ahead. We move people ahead. Under President Bush and Vice President Cheney, America's economy is moving ahead in spite of a recession they inherited and in spite of the attack on our homeland"** and "Ladies and gentlemen, America is back! Back from the attack on our homeland — back from the attack on our economy, back from the attack on our way of life. We're back because of the perseverance, character and leadership of the 43rd President of the United States, George W. Bush."** Now we all know the Governator is way too savvy of a politician to have said these things, but try and suspend disbelief for a moment and just pretend he did. Now, he is technically saying something about someone else, just as Dan Patrick is doing. But in the Governator's case, he is actually advertising that someone else, not advertising that that someone else advertises a product.

** Denotes direct quote from Arnold Schwarzenegger RNC speech.

This may work in the political arena, but on the Dan Patrick show it is just hearsay. Maybe Snapper was too cheap to pay Brett's full endorsement fee, so they just got to use the name but not the voice? Can Brett not read? I mean, he is from Mississippi so that is possible, but his voice is featured in the Wrangler commercial above. I'm sure the real reason is that listeners are less likely to change stations when an advertisement is read by the on-air host, as they may at least initially be fooled into thinking that the advertisement is part of the show. But is that the case with celebrity endorsements? Shouldn't "I'm Brett Favre" as the opening line to the ad be enough to excite and capture the attention of whatever demographic (hint: Wisconsonites who are too fat to push a lawn mower) you're shooting for by signing Brett Favre to an endorsement deal? If you're going to have Dan Patrick read the ad, why don't you just save a few bucks and have Dan Patrick endorse your product?