Mystery Texting

I've apparently made a text friend. I don't know who this friend is, but I periodically receive text messages from a specific number. The number isn't programmed into my phone or anything, so I have no idea who it might be. Kind of reminds me of the time I moved to San Diego, and my way of letting some people know my new phone number was to send them text messages from the phone. Now, it would be perfectly reasonable for me to have texted something like "Hey, this is from JW. This is my new phone number." But I am, to date, not reasonable. So I was texting things like "Fuck you asshole," "Eat shit" and "Cal football sucks." If those aren't dead giveaways that it was me sending the messages, I don't know what is.

But I found out after the fact that a few of my friends were confused and annoyed by this. One of them had the cojones to call the number and find out who it was sending these harassing text messages. The rest of my friends are just wussies who are afraid to stand up to a crazy person in the 619.

That's not the point of my post - the mystery texter is the point of my post. Not moments ago, I received the following text message from the mystery texter:

U kno wat time it is? Peanut Butter & Jelly Time!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!?! I can't even begin to know why or care that it is time for a PB&J. Who is it that thinks I need this information? I must know. So I searched for the number using a Free Reverse Phone Number Lookup on the internet. I am not going to link to this site, because, to quote Marcellus Wallace, it was pretty fuckin' far from being free. Unless you consider the result "Number available! Click here to pay $19.95 for more information" to be free. Actually, I guess the lookup technicallywas free - it is just the result of the lookup that costs money.

The mystery texter is apparently a cell phone user located in Coachella, California - I got that far without having to submit a credit card number. Clearly I don't have the cojones to call this person and confront him/her/it to figure out who it is - for all I know it is some insane chick I gave my phone number to and who has had my love child (though I'm not sure "love" would be appropriate in that context). Or even worse, maybe it is someone who has decided it is time for a PB&J. But there is another clue. I received another text from this person recently. It was an MMS, no words or comment but just the following picture:

Apparently the mystery texter did send me a picture of my love child. Come to think of it, I kind of remember a weekend camping and four-wheeling near Coachella... lots of bad tequila (Bandolero or somesuch)... a chick with a mohawk and a fantastic pooper... Good times. Good times with unthinkably horrible consequences.

So I started thinking of possible responses:

YES/NO
OR WHAT
GO AWAY
PLEASE COME BACK LATER
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE

Then I realized that I am not the T-800, regardless of how much my physique resembles that of Arnold Schwarzenegger circa 1984. What response, then?

EAD (an old classic)
GFY (a new classic, doesn't stand for "Good For You")
Lose my number
No, its time for a spelling and/or typing class
Hope you are enjoying your chronic
I miss U. Wat r U doing this weeknd?
They let you text from prison?
Hi Mom

Hmmm... gotta stew on this one a bit. Though I'm not so sure I want to get rid of the mystery texter - without these sorts of adventures, what in the world would I blog about?